Check your firearms at the door

I went to the hospital this morning to do my pre-op paper work for my tonsillectomy, which is, as you know unless you\’ve been living under a rock, tomorrow! I had to give them a few vials of blood, which I hate. I kind of figure I need all I have, right? I had to sign off on a variety of really important items. Most importantly, I promised that I wouldn\’t sue anyone if they killed me and that if I did sue someone it wouldn\’t be the hospital, but the doctor who doesn\’t actually work for the hospital.

I had to put up a 10% co-insurance payment plus $250 deductible. In the time Rachael Ray could crank out two meals, my tonsils and adenoids will be gone for the low, low price of $4000. Interestingly, if you pay your co-insurance in full up front, you get a 20% discount, so my surgery is essentially ON SALE! Love it! I have to wonder how many people stiffed them before they enacted this policy, though. And, if you do stiff them, what are they going to do…put your tonsils back in?

The most interesting part of the whole morning was the pre-teaching part. That\’s where they tell you what to do and not do before your surgery, what not to bring with you, and what to expect afterwards. The highlights are as follows:

  1. Don\’t wear makeup. WHAT?
  2. Don\’t bring any valuables with you. Valuables….what do they mean? I\’m going to be there for about three hours. What valuables would I bring?
  3. Don\’t eat or drink after midnight, I guess because you\’ll turn into a gremlin. Hey, I\’ll be a major bear without my coffee in the a.m., but that\’s their problem.
  4. Don\’t bring any FIREARMS OR EXPLOSIVES with you. Seriously. I\’m gonna need someone to take care of my extensive collection of handguns and grenades tomorrow, since I\’m usually packin\’ heat where ever I go.

Expect an update from my later this week, while I\’m still on painkillers. It should be a good one!

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