We\’re back from our super relaxing trip. I will recount those adventures in another post. I can\’t even think about it right now or I get a little sad. It was nice. But now, we\’re back to reality.

The reality that I am struggling with most today is the fact that I have let my body deteriorate so badly. I am FAT. I mean, I\’ve always, with the exception of my bout with Crohn\’s disease, been a chunky girl. But I was usually at least moderately in shape. I walked, swam, worked out…whatever. Now, I\’m a big old tub of lard. I am disgusting. I have gained 50 pounds in the last year. Granted, I had lost 45 the year before due to the aforementioned Crohn\’s disease spell, but still…you would think that having a taste of thin would make me more apt to stay thin, not eat my way through four dress sizes, and counting.

I know the skinny people of the world probably think, big deal, go on a diet. And in my head, I know that . I\’ve been a Weight Watcher, I know what to eat and how to change my behaviors to get the desired results. But I can think of ten thousand excuses to just keep going the direction I\’m going. Effort, time, fear of failure, fear of success, love of food, you name it. I just keep fighting the same old demons, letting it get the best of me.

That\’s today\’s reality.


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